Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
