Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
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