He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
