My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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