thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
