the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
