the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Two words: blizzard sex
I just forgot I was standing up.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
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