I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
