Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
