Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
