break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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