It's Friday. Sex?
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
