Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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