someone threw a dead crab at me
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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