it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
