I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Randomize
