it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
