Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
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