I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Randomize
