the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Randomize
