we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
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