My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
