FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
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