I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Randomize
