If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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