D3 body, D1 cock
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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