Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
420 ftw
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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