my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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