You're so nebulous sometimes
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
