she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
