Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
