I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
