...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
