i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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