Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
