i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Randomize
