The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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