i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
