i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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