When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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