I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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