i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
