I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
