1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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