Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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