high people should be assigned attendants
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
