maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
