Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
He has the fingertips of a God
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