If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
