Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
How does it feel to date your dad?
Randomize
